Life and Family update.

I have been so incredibly busy.. yet very lazy lately.. I moved this past weekend so since I was so crazy and exhausted from that I have spent a little bit of time each day this week trying to finish the unpacking and setting up. But I have been broke and have not been able to go anywhere sure helps with the laziness I have been feeling. Its still a struggle for me with my sister, we are fighting a lot more lately, I guess the way I look at it is Im not obligated like a parent is to spend money on her or to take care of her or to have her living with me, I do it because I care. So why does she act the way that she acts and why does she think it is okay to yell at me.
So since she has lived with me in February she has had her moms child support card, I have been paying the bills out of my pocket without any child support I threw her a birthday party and I have bought her school clothes and supplies and a new L.L. Bean bookbag. These things I have done on my measley paycheck along with paying the bills. The O2 sensor is out in my car so my car is using double the gas it should, which is extremely expensive. Even after we moved and my sister was capable of riding the bus she still got up and had me take her to school. I used every bit of gas to take her to and from school, I asked her when she got the child support to help me out with gas (we recently got into a fight and I told her from now on half of the child support is going to me to help with bills and the other half is going into her savings account to save for a car next year), so the child support came yesterday and we headed to the store and got a few groceries for her to have because I was heading out of town last night and tonight, and I got gas as well.
There was supposed to be double what went on the card I kept telling her to call and find out why, I thought that it was weird that she wouldnt just call like I had asked I thought maybe she was lying to me about the amount that went onto the card because this is the first time that she was going to have to give me half of it. Which I still believe she lied, I know that it is not great to think that about her but the way that she was acting seemed very shady. But I asked her one more time in the middle of the store would she call and she started yelling at me and people started looking. I was so extremely angry, I waited till we paid and go out to the car and I told her will you please tell me what the hell is so hard about calling and seeing why the amount was less than it should have been. I told her you want me to consider you my equal but you yelled at me into the middle like you are some kind of grown adult and your not.
She thinks that she can live with me and I pay for everything for her clothes shoes food gas in my car to take her everywhere, and she thinks that she should get the child support to spend on whatever she wants and she thinks that I should struggle with every penny to make it stretch. She has a job so its not like she has no money, child support is to support a child and she is spending it on whatever and Im tired of it. She doesnt want to listen to me and its getting to the point that Im feeling drained and at my breaking point.
But to change the subject Im babysitting my 2 year old niece and she never ceases to amaze me I love when she hides her eyes she thinks you cant see her. She turned 2 July 25 and she has been potty trained since you was about a year and a half old. She refuses to go to the bathroom alone so every 30 minutes she grabs my hand and says pee pee I love her SO much!
Im really excited because Im going car shopping next week! Im waiting and waiting, I feel like the time is never going to get here. Im looking at Jeep Compass, Jeep Patriot, Jeep Commander, Dodge Nitro, then Mazda 6, Toyota Prius. I cant wait to see what vehicle I will finally get!! Well this has been really long so Im gonna go!

30 Day challenge..

Day 01 → Something you about yourself.
Im very very very impatient.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Im one fo the nicest people I know.. Really I am I help ANYONE that I can no matter what.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
The way I treated my mom when I was growing up when she did EVERYTHING for us.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
My mom for the way she treated me when I was a child. (I know it doesnt make sense with teh one above.. I will explain furthur in my Youtube Video)

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
TRAVEL!!! EVERYWHERE!!!

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Touch a person.. I think I would fall over... :( :(

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
My family!! My niece and nephew!!

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like .
My mom and sister.. but I suppose that is normal teenage angst stuff

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Kyle

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Kyle

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
My hair, accent, eyes.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
I never get compliments on the days I dress up.. Only when I am in sweats.. Go figure..

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.
I love Lifehouse or Nickelback, its always nice to scream AKA sing at the top of your lungs..

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down.
I guess my dad.. He wasnt necesarily a hero.. but maybe thats what he is supposed to be and he never was..

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
My mom.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Paying for gas.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
The Shack.. William P Young.. AMAZING book it made me really think about god and religion.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
MORE power to ya!!

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Religion.. Scary subject for me to discuss.. I guess I dont really understand. LOVE politics!!

Day 20 → Your views on and alcohol.
I have NEVER touched a .. EVER.. NEVER will either.. alcohol is ok in moderation.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Show up wherever she is at.. No fight is worth not being there.

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
learned how to spend money.. Im really really good at it..

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Worked harder when I first came to college.. and not slacked off..

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
YOUTUBE only..

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
My mom my family.. Myself.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
I have never considered .. I have considered.. just letting everything fall apart.. and just coast sometimes its easier to not care.

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
School Moving.. My family

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
I would be SCARED.. but very excited

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
My focus and patience

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Youtube video only..

I guess you could ask yourself what does a 23 year old female really have to stress about, I mean come on... She doesnt have a mortgage and more than likely doesn't have a car payment maybe some have kids, not all some probably have college loans they may be paying on. The little worries that I guess some may see as the ordinary basic things a person goes through affects everyone differently. I could walk a path hand in hand with you but what we experience, how we feel and what we see would be two entirely different stories.
I am just that a 23 year old female no mortgage no kids (of my own) no car payment (until September of this year). I mean really you would think life would be a walk in the park, but life has a screwed up idea of a park. I live in my hometown, in a modest 2 bedroom apartment with my little sister who is 16 soon to be 17 we have our tiffs, but all in all we actually get along quite nicely. This ride started in 1987 when I was the second child born to my mom and dad both of whom were 24, mom and dad were high school sweethearts who didn't last long after my younger sister was born. Once they divorced my mom had custody of my older brother Jeremy, Me and my younger sister Tara.
Life went on mom dated as did dad and it led to different relationships, where dad had two other children Tanji and Thristian. Life was not what I would call peachy when I was growing up, but I guess it made me who I am. Mom worked like crazy to support my brother sister and I while dad really wasn't in the picture much she worked at Jockey I remember she would go in at 6 am and would get off at 4 we always had health insurance and food on the table nice clothes, furniture and places to live up unitl about 9 years old. Mom dated a few men some more memorable than others, I think the worst one of all had to of been BJ he was from Oklahoma, I still have pictures with him from one fourth of July when I was around 5, I still remember the day he left.. Mom picked my sister and brother and I up I remember sitting behind her in the car while she cried and cried and told us that BJ was gone. He had wrote a note to mom telling her he couldn't handle kids, along with the note was a stack of laundry that he had done and that had turned pink he broke my moms heart that day.
I remember my mom talking to some younger guys that were from out of town working in the tobacco warehouses in our town. But the next relationship I really remember my mom entering was with Gary, he was about 5 years younger than my mom putting him at around 26 and my mom at around 31 when they got married. Right off I never felt like Gary liked me, from a young age he favored my sister Tara greatly as my brother Jeremy seemed to be getting into a lot of trouble in school my mom Gary and him were at odds a lot. I remember the day mom and Gary got married I was around 6 and they were married on a boat, mom still worked at Jockey and Gary worked for the water plant in town, together they seemed to make ends meet quite nicely, I remember them buying a lot of new things in the first house that we moved in lots of new furniture that now looking back was absolutely grotesque looking. My little sister and I shared a bedroom we had a full side bed that we shared and we had ballet slipper boarder around our room, christmas' and birthday's were quite nice, I remember we got a big van and he got a little white truck and mom got a new beretta from my perspective we were living quite comfortably.
To be continued.....

Waste of time.

I had a fight with my sister and mom today, can I just first and foremost say my sister is a BITCH.. Yes a BITCH, I love how she says that my life is her business.. Reality check it isnt.. Sorry to tell you... The decisions I make in my life are mine.. funny enough that is how it works when you are 18 +... She runs her mouth cause "she is an angel" and "she is Perfect" whatever... FAR FROM IT.. Im the first to know that I am bad with money that is my deal not hers, and I never MADE my mother help me it was her choice, and I appreciated it every time that she did. But according to my sister my mom has every right to HATE me YES HATE me for the times she helped me... Whatever so be it if she does. I love my niece and nephew to death BUT I was not the one that got pregnant young, or the one that ran the streets all the time growing up. I was good in school and was good in general but because I am not financially stable I mine as well have killed a few people, and that is NO joke, Im 100% serious when I say that is how I am treated. This is the exact reason that I am beyond ready to move, so I dont have to look at or deal with my mother or sister. They are sooo much alike it is absurd, I cant stand either of them... they could both fall in a hole.. Mom begged yes begged me to live here and not to get a place of my own.. but the whole time it is thrown in my face, well in 3 weeks, they wont have to deal with me anymore, I am serious IM sick of my business being the worlds business, they go through my shit IM SICK OF IT.. Im not 16 Im an adult and for some reason my mother tries to keep tabs on me everywhere I go.. and my sister tells mom everything I say.. Shocker.. Im done talking to the both of them.. Yes I am in debt.. who isnt honestly.. Oh wait Tara isnt cause yet again she is "Perfect" Its pretty easy to not have money problems when you sell every damn thing every one else buys for your kids and not to mention where she used to live, she didnt pay rent she got money towards her car insurance, and she got food stamps.. but life is soo easy when shit is handed to you... what ever.. Im gonna go have me a kid so I can waltz through life with no problems.. But even when I tell her that.... she says her shit equaled more than mine.. Not my fault she went and got a new car.. when she had one that worked fine.. whatever like I said she is the queen of the world and everyone should bow at her feet. I swear her head has got to be 20 ft wide with as good as she thinks she is... Not to mention mom strokes her ego.. she was only defending mom today cause mom spent over 100 on Keylee and Kaydon.. thats how it usually works, shes all about mom when mom spends money on her or the kids... whatever.. like I said she is perfect... it is hard to compare to someone who is perfect... Guess thats why I dont even try... why waste my mother fucking time on it... She can go and bitch at someone else cause she really is not happy if she isnt tearing someone a new asshole... It is not my fault that she is dumber than a fucking box of rocks and that she does not remember shit from her childhood, cause I can tell you now.. I remember mine.. I didnt have a terrible one.. but the things I remember could fuck any child up.. but I shouldn't say that because according to her IM not supposed to blame my childhood for anything either... what the FUCK ever she is a dumb fucking bitch who runs her mouth FAR to much... fall in a fucking hole TARA.. worry about your damn self.. cause I sure as hell dont need you worrying about me.

So Life.. is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING :)

I have a new little man in my life :) Carter David Matthew Hinton he is my bestfriends new baby and he is absolutely precious!

8 pounds 14 oz and 19 inches long.



So I have lived the last week and a half in Maysville helping her with the new little man I adore him!
There has been a few things that have happened recently here goes;

Firstly I got to Maysville on Dec 26 I had a christmas party at my dads on the 29 so I went in early to spend time with my bestfriend and God Daughter. Back in September I told my bestfriend that I was feeling Dec 29, that I felt like that would be the day that she would have him, mind you this was all the way back in September. So anyways I stuck with the date this whole time, she was not due until January the 9th. She had a Doctors appointment on Dec 28 and I took her and while there they stripped her membranes, and from then on she was having contractions. That night I was doing her nails and eyebrows in the middle of painting her nails her water started to break this was around 2 am on the 29th. She and Matt got up and got their things together and headed to the hospital, I stayed at the apartment with My little sister Thristian, Staceys little sister Rachel Matts Friend Dennis and I kept my goddaughter Kamerin. So none of us could sleep I would get periodical texts from Matt and Stacey letting me know what was going on, then around 6 am they texted us and told us to get to the hospital she was 7 CM, and she Officially had him at 8:10 in the morning. New little man :) not to mention DEC 29.. Man I am good!

I took my little sister shopping for her Homecoming dress the other day, and indulged in some things for myself. She got a black and purple dress and some purple converse she now likes converse thanks to me :) I love them! But I got 2 pair of knee high boots one black and one brown, I got some Steve Madden Flats and a new pair of suede and plaid sperry top-siders. I also got a few shirts :) and 2 new cardigans that I <3..>

Next thing.. Today I met my sister for lunch and she was like your gonna shit yourself, I was like why, tell me she was like wait till we sit down, I kept asking, finally when we sit down she says.. Angie is pregnant... REWIND... Angie is 26 ish and she is dating out 47 year old father.. UGH DISGUSTING GROSS and all of that.. She is nasty and he supports her 100% pays for everything.. and she is a druggie... It is absurd.. But anyways.. Words can not describe how bad I feel for that poor poor child cause I love my dad but I know what kind of dad he is.. NOT a good one and not responsible AT ALL.. And she is the ground I walk on.. But what can you do.. Im waiting to see how long it is before he tells me.. since I already know..

NEXT thing.. Im beyond sick of hearing about all of my friends getting married and pregnant gosh I seriously want to go crazy.. But there is a guy that I share a couple of mutual friends with messaged me tonight, we talked for a while.. hes cute, he is in a band :) and plays guitar which is a major major plus!!! and he is really nice :) No drugs or drinking shockingly enough! But he wants to hang out and he was like would you move to Maysville already.. Im bored, and I gave him my number and he was like when I replace my iphone(it just got stolen) Ill def message you once or twice or a dozen times.. Im sooooo tried of being single.. and he seems interested and I am soo YAY.. he live about 3 miles from where Im moving.. Im pretty excited!! My bestie always says I need to let it happen stop talking about it and let it happen.. and this is great..

Christmas

I know that christmas is about more than the gifts but in a world like the one that we live in, one that is focused on the Material things its hard to not look past that. Christmas in my family was similar to any other we would open our gifts on the morning of christmas, whatever sibling was up first would wake the others up, it still today is my sister who is usually the first one up.

I grew up with what they like to call middle child syndrome, where you are the middle child and you always feel left out. It started for me in the first grade, then escalated in the second grade. I even today as an adult struggle with this. When I think about it I feel childish and selfish I know that I have had a far better life than so many other people, but it is not always about the material things it is about the way I am treated. I have always felt left out, like no matter what I have ever done it never compared to my brother or sister. It is frustrating BUT it is how I have always lived. Even with the holidays i feel like such a grinch comparing what we get, but it is not something I try to do it just happens.

I was so irate with my mom and sister yesterday, I tell them not to call and wake me up (any other day because they wake me up early for the dumbest reasons,) BUT they still do it does not matter if I tell them not to they do, it is frustrating. So yesterday I woke up and called my mom she did not answer. SO I called my sister I immediately knew the second my mom didn't answer I knew my sister was with her. But anyways when I called I asked where they were at, she said we are in Lexington I asked her what they were doing, she was like we were bored. I was like thanks for inviting me, ALL of the time my mom and sister are going to Georgetown and Lexington and going shopping or going to lunch and do I get invited? NOPE IM so beyond sick of it all. The only time I am invited is if mom cant go with Tara then Tara asks me to go or if Tara cant go with mom then mom asks me to go. Otherwise Im not asked or included it is frustrating. I guess everything on top of each other yesterday hit me because I was absolutely irate I was so mad I did not even say two words to my mom and my sister called and it was one word answers they act like I shouldn't be hurt or bothered. Like not being included or asked shouldn't bother me. GOSH Im so annoyed. The thing is mom got her christmas bonus from work, she is buying my sister a video camera for christmas this year, which is no big deal. Ok so I told my mom that I just wanted money this year for Christmas, I figured I would get the standard $250, well she tells me tonight that Im getting 200, okay to break this down for you, My sisters video camera that mom bought and already gave her yesterday cost 200 + tax not to mention she has gotten her a few outfits. Then while in TN my mom bought my brother some clothes and some shoes, and then he told her that he wanted a Playstation 3 and 2 diff games, well the playstation is 300 before tax and the games are 59 each before tax.

THIS SOUNDS TERRIBLE... I KNOW IT ISNT ABOUT THE MONEY AND WHAT YOU GET BUT.. This is the same for me every year, I get jipped... Ill end up with 200 dollars while my brother ends up with 500 + of things and my sister 300 or 400 + of things.

I still remember one christmas when we were finished opening presents I had 6 jewelry boxes... I didnt wear ANY jewelry at the time at all, my mom felt bad, she said she was going to give me an extra hundred dollars for my birthday which is 19 days after christmas. Well my birthday rolled around.. and of course it did not happen.. There were years that my mom would buy my sister name brand nice clothes and my clothes would be from walmart. At a young age I played the violin in a orchestra My mom came to like 3 of my 20 + concerts but she never missed any of my sisters basketball games.

Life should not be about these type of things, I know that, but Im tired of being on the very bottom of the totem pole.. IM tired of being left out.. It is frustrating.

Failed Attempt.

I had every intention of writing yesterday but my sister had asked me to stay with her, James had to leave for work at 6:30 and she had to leave by 7 cause she had a final that started at 8 am, and she needed me to get Kaydon and Keylee up and ready and then drop him off at school and KeyKey at her nana's. So I got there and mom had bought Kaydon a gingerbread house, that "I" was to help him put together.. Well can you say failed attempt...

In the end.. It crashed.. He didnt really care and I was relieved.. I was covered in icing and my fingers were stained red. So I let him eat the tree, and then Keylee got in on the action and started eating a side of the house which was larger than her face.

I love my niece and Nephew SO much. Well, last night I was on the computer for about 5 or 6 hours, finishing my online class I had 3 tests and 3 assignments, I was on there until after 3 AM then when I got finished I called my best friend who is very pregnant and can never sleep, so I called her and talked to her for 40 minutes then FINALLY crashed around 4:30, then I woke up at 6:30 when my sister and her boyfriend were getting ready I talked to her for a while, I fell back to sleep around 7:10 then woke up at 8:18 and got The kids clothes and a warm washcloth and I woke Kaydon up washed his face, got him dressed made him a cup and got him a blueberry muffin. Then I got Keylee up and washed her face got her dressed got her a banana and juice. While they were eating I got dressed and packed up all of my stuff then I got their jackets on them and we headed to the car. I dropped him off at school and dropped Keylee off with her nana Vic, and I grabbed breakfast and headed home.. Now I have laundry going for today. Then I will be heading to Lexington for my LAST FINAL this semester.. AHHHH CHRISTMAS BREAK!!! How I love you so!!! oh yea.. MY KY WILDCATS PLAY TONIGHT AT 9:30... # 4 in the country.. I hope all goes well.. we are playing in NEW YORK, at Madison Square Garden.. how exciting is that!!?? Well I hope we win.. Fingers crossed!!!