I grew up with what they like to call middle child syndrome, where you are the middle child and you always feel left out. It started for me in the first grade, then escalated in the second grade. I even today as an adult struggle with this. When I think about it I feel childish and selfish I know that I have had a far better life than so many other people, but it is not always about the material things it is about the way I am treated. I have always felt left out, like no matter what I have ever done it never compared to my brother or sister. It is frustrating BUT it is how I have always lived. Even with the holidays i feel like such a grinch comparing what we get, but it is not something I try to do it just happens.
I was so irate with my mom and sister yesterday, I tell them not to call and wake me up (any other day because they wake me up early for the dumbest reasons,) BUT they still do it does not matter if I tell them not to they do, it is frustrating. So yesterday I woke up and called my mom she did not answer. SO I called my sister I immediately knew the second my mom didn't answer I knew my sister was with her. But anyways when I called I asked where they were at, she said we are in Lexington I asked her what they were doing, she was like we were bored. I was like thanks for inviting me, ALL of the time my mom and sister are going to Georgetown and Lexington and going shopping or going to lunch and do I get invited? NOPE IM so beyond sick of it all. The only time I am invited is if mom cant go with Tara then Tara asks me to go or if Tara cant go with mom then mom asks me to go. Otherwise Im not asked or included it is frustrating. I guess everything on top of each other yesterday hit me because I was absolutely irate I was so mad I did not even say two words to my mom and my sister called and it was one word answers they act like I shouldn't be hurt or bothered. Like not being included or asked shouldn't bother me. GOSH Im so annoyed. The thing is mom got her christmas bonus from work, she is buying my sister a video camera for christmas this year, which is no big deal. Ok so I told my mom that I just wanted money this year for Christmas, I figured I would get the standard $250, well she tells me tonight that Im getting 200, okay to break this down for you, My sisters video camera that mom bought and already gave her yesterday cost 200 + tax not to mention she has gotten her a few outfits. Then while in TN my mom bought my brother some clothes and some shoes, and then he told her that he wanted a Playstation 3 and 2 diff games, well the playstation is 300 before tax and the games are 59 each before tax.
THIS SOUNDS TERRIBLE... I KNOW IT ISNT ABOUT THE MONEY AND WHAT YOU GET BUT.. This is the same for me every year, I get jipped... Ill end up with 200 dollars while my brother ends up with 500 + of things and my sister 300 or 400 + of things.
I still remember one christmas when we were finished opening presents I had 6 jewelry boxes... I didnt wear ANY jewelry at the time at all, my mom felt bad, she said she was going to give me an extra hundred dollars for my birthday which is 19 days after christmas. Well my birthday rolled around.. and of course it did not happen.. There were years that my mom would buy my sister name brand nice clothes and my clothes would be from walmart. At a young age I played the violin in a orchestra My mom came to like 3 of my 20 + concerts but she never missed any of my sisters basketball games.
Life should not be about these type of things, I know that, but Im tired of being on the very bottom of the totem pole.. IM tired of being left out.. It is frustrating.
